Reasons Dipshits Are Against Gay Marriage

Me and m'lady were talking about gay marriage, and as per any debate, the idea is still floating around in the back of my head. Who gives a shit if two gay people want to get married? It doesn't affect me or you in any way... at all. Somebody could marry a tampon and it wouldn't make a difference in my life. Try as I may, I can't think of one single reason that anybody could be against gay marriage (and I'm a straight male Christian, the stereotype of homophobes) other than the fact that they have a problem with homosexuality in general. Alas, there is no shortage of half-assed excuses which I will now attempt to give a nice lingual "fuck off" to.

1. It is blasphemous. Pure bullshit. People can interpret the bible to say that God was against homosexuality, but then again I can interpret 3pm to be morning-time if I stay up late enough. Any time people use religion to persecute any particular group, the fact that "God loves everybody and is all-forgiving" comes to mind. And what about those people that pass out the little "Jesus Loves You" stickers at the Bloomsburg fair? Are they waiting for a fresh batch of "Jesus Loves You Provided You're Not Gay" stickers from China? Besides, if you're going to STRICTLY adhere to the bible, you better be able to do it all the time and not just when it's convenient. The bible also tells us that we should treat everybody the way we would want to be treated... if you're going to sit there and tell me you have never ever EVER treated anybody in a manner other than how you would have wanted to be treated then you can kiss my lazy ass. If you don't strictly adhere to everything stated in the bible, leave the quotes at home. Religion should be private anyway, if I want to know your thoughts on the matter I'll ask. Besides, and I'm going to italicize this because you are probably just skimming at this point, religion should have absolutely nothing to do with the government. I know we have God's here and there, but that's tradition. Every government run by religious zealots has failed miserably. If our government was based on the bible lust would be illegal and we'd all be up a certain creek less a paddle. Vanity is also one of the Seven Deadly Sins, so if you're about to preach the bible to me and you're wearing anything other than a loin cloth count to three and then duck.

2. The definition of marriage. One of the biggest excuses is the fact that "The definition of marriage is a union between a man and a woman to procreate (make babies). Gays can't make babies so they aren't really married. We can't go changing definitions." True, that is the widely accepted definition, but why can't we change it? I just searched dictionary.com for "marriage" and it has "gay marriage" as one of the definitions... weak argument. Also, about the whole baby-making thing, before getting legally married you have to take blood tests for STD's and more recently for certain genetic diseases they may be passed on to offspring. If one of both partners has a disease, they must agree not to have children in order to get a marriage license. That goes against the definition of marriage... I win.

3. It's not "natural". It's not natural to eat food you haven't killed and prepared yourself, use any form of transportation other than walking, or wear clothing or makeup. It's not natural to bathe either now that I think of it. Who gives a fuck what's natural? Go make me a sandwhich.

That's about it. There were a lot more excuses I had in mind but I forgot them. The biggest one among the general public seems to be the whole religion thing. In my opinion people need to start keeping their religious beliefs to themselves. And I'm not saying this because I'm anti-religion, I'm not, I'm saying this because it's fucking annoying. If I ask about your religious beliefs, lay it on, otherwise I don't care. Religion has been around since the dawn of fucking existence with the idea in mind that eventually it'll lead us to world peace if we can just get everybody to join our side. Good concept, too, look how well it's working out in the Middle East. If people didn't start preaching to others that didn't ask for it and just minded their own business we'd be paying 10 cents a gallon right now and nobody would be dodging bullets because they disagree with somebody else about who's worshipping the right guy.

P.S.
I don't know how to make a link to an entry when it's long so as not to take up "Friends Space"... deal with it muchacha.